


The 11 hamburgers and the Barista

by Roast_Potato07



Category: crackfic ish - Fandom, my humor is bad, 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game)
Genre: Every character is only mentioned briefly, Other, may lose brain cells when reading, there are 11 months in a year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:29:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29511114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roast_Potato07/pseuds/Roast_Potato07
Summary: On their way to steal Morax's brain cell and g-nose. Childe gets ditched and Dainsleif ponders what a bough is.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	The 11 hamburgers and the Barista

**Author's Note:**

> Just some help with my choice of vocabulary:  
> Hamburgers=Harbingers  
> Childe=Tartaglia= Tortilla= Tequila  
> Scaramouche=Scaradouche  
> snezhnaya= Sneeze-nya  
> The Tsaritsa=The Barista  
> And please do not take this seriously there are not 11 months in a year.

Warning: brain cell loss is a common side effect from reading bad stories that don’t make sense. 

Once the 11 hamburgers arrived to Liyue harbour, Signora, who was currently in possession of all of the 11 brain cells of the harrrr bingers, led them through Liyue. They had moved on from Monstadt since they took the anemo archon’s brain cell by force. Tortilla, being the dumbest (even with his single brain cell.), ate the anemo archon’s brain cell which has now become unusable. As punishment, Signora took his one and only brain cell for herself. 

Using that extra brain cell that she has received; she took the brain cells of all the other hamburgers with ease. They are now targeting Morax’s divine brain cell. However, judging by how the all-knowing-god forgets his mora every time he dines with Childe, Signora is starting to question whether the hamburger club should go through the hassle of obtaining it. 

As Zhongli/Morax was the god of contracts, he does not break a contract under any circumstance. Signora decided to trade Tequila and his bottomless wallet for Morax’s g-nose and his one and only brain cell. Being the dumb idiot he is, he sees absolutely no problem with this contract. Except for the fact that he will lose the only thing that gives him a gram of common sense and he loses the ability to make money himself. 

Tequila doesn’t protest because he is no longer in possession of his brain cell and therefore, does not know what the definition of contract is. 

Morax doesn’t see a single flaw in this contract and goes along with it because who needs common sense anyways when you’ve got someone as a walking wallet? But just as Morax is about to hand over his brain cell, Scaradouche interrupts: “Wait if there are 11 months in a year and 12 members of the harr TV bingers, then how will we be able to split the brain cells?!” 

Signora responds with “I will receive the brain cell since I have less than all of you.” 

“That makes sense because your so dumb,” Scaradouche replies even though Signora’s carrying the entire hamburger club. 

As they sign the contract, Signora takes the g-nose and the cell and ditches Childe in the middle of Liyue harbour to buy Zhongli some Cor Lapis while shouting back “Got your nose!” 

All the other Archons gave up their Braincells because of the sheer awesomeness of the presence of Morax’s g-nose. (Short for giant nose.) 

When they return to the Barista of Sneeze-nya, Signora forgets to give the other hamburgers back their brain cells and they are sent to prison because of the hollow sound Scaradouche makes when he accidentally hits his head on the wall. Daisleif, the boughkeeper locks them up while pondering what a bough is. Due to his big-braininess, he searches it up on the internet and finds out it’s a tree branch. 

He doesn’t wish to disgrace his title so he departs to his local Home Depot and buys 11 boughs since there are 11 months in a year. He gives one to the Barista of Sneeze-nya and keeps the rest for he is the bough keeper. 

The Barista who gets delivered a bough finds no use in it so she ships it to Ajax window cleaner in Liyue harbour. 

Upon receiving it at Wangmin restaurant, they find out that they lost their wallet and use the bough to pay for their meal. 

Xiangling and chef Mao were so shocked by the sheer presence of the bough given by the bough keeper himself, they decided to give them both free meals for the rest of their lifetime. 

Meanwhile, the barista of Sneeze-nya was having mango pudding with Signora and decided to drown Liyue harbour to kill Ajax Window cleaner for he had too many nicknames. 

Since Xiao was mad for no reason, he killed Osial (Whom had been summoned by the Barista.) and brought his corpse to Wangming restaurant to try to hide the evidence of the murder. By the sheer shock of seeing Morax without his g-nose, (Giant Nose.) Xiao passed out and is now on the floor. 

Since Xiao was a close friend of Zhongli’s they both got another(?) lifetime pass for free food since Xiao was believed to be dead. 

Everyone was happy except for Zhongli, who had to eat Osial’s corpse that reeked of seafood while having a yaksha corpse beside him. (And not having his nose.)

**Author's Note:**

> I actually play the game and I just wrote this 'cause I was bored. Feel free to judge me.


End file.
